I was on the train journey from tanjong pagar back to tampines when a thought suddenly came to me... it was a very simple story from one of the Enid Blyton's books... a short story about this magician who was spotted by a boy in the middle of the night... the magician was holding one bale of cloth and the boy questioned about the cloth... it was the cloth that represents our life... the shiny spots represented the times when we did kind deeds and grey spots represented the times when we were bad and greedy... the holes represented the hurts that we inflicted on others and others had inflicted on us... i always wondered if i have a cloth like this, how would mine look like?
there were times that i was happy to look back on the wonderful and memorable times i spent with my family and friends... i was glad that i chose to do certain things over the others... the days i wish that the people that i cared were happy and they did... there were times that i felt miserable to think about how mean and unreasonable i was when i got angry and how unsatisfied i was getting on with my life... i felt that greediness, laziness and other negative feelings piled up inside my heart and it just made my days seem darker than usual... no matter how many times i told myself not to regret, i still did it... so, i seriously broke down when i watched "one litre of tears" especially the part when Aya said, i will stop to regret about this sickness which i have gotten... i will choose to look forward and live on... (something along this line) i will strive hard to make my life shinier than the past, even though i know i cannot stop the holes and grey areas...
that day i happened to meet up with daniel for supper near my place... and he was telling me his impression of me last time in pri/sec sch... i feel that i have changed for the better and he agreed too... my old friends can tell u how bad i was as a person... i nvr care for other ppl... i was always very self centered and thinking about myself... i talk practically using my mouth and not my brain... (i am really better now i feel) i hurt the people who were around me... i just felt very lousy when i recalled about the past... i felt that, at that time, i was probably living because i am living... but after Weitian brought me to her church, i started to think a lot about my life... i still rem the first time when i opened the Bible, it was at James 1 (if i nvr rem wrongly)... it was about managing your anger and i cried so hard... this was so true of me at that time... (to be continued)
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